Showing posts with label Science. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Science. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Unidentified

Robbie Williams UFO Hunter[ Picture from http://www.lasseman.se/ ]

Some of you may be wondering what happened to Robbie Williams. Some of those may even care. Fortunately, the answer is surprisingly interesting. It seems everybody's favourite ex-boybander (if you don't count Wham as a boy band; or Genesis) has taken a year off recording quirky dark-gilded pop rousers to track down UFOs. As tales of pop idols going off the rails (or off with the Raylians) goes, it sounds like a classic. But there is more to it than that.

From reports it seems UFOs are a major obsession with Robbie and he now tracks down sites of sightings and goes to conventions. He has grown a beard to blend in with ufologists and now appears to mumble one-to-one with similar beardies where he once shouted down at stadiums full of the unpubed.

Now, am I the only one who thinks this is the best idea for a TV show since Sliced Bread, the tale of tale of the French aristocrat (Francois Bread) and his crazy schemes to avoid the guillotine?

Suggested synopsis: "Former pop idol Robbie Williams gives up the fame, the adulation and all but one of the girls to start his own agency to investigate UFO sightings."

As a kid, I very much enjoyed a show called Project UFO (aka Project Blue Book) which was about two stiff airforce guys investigating UFO sightings and mostly refuting them, even though they really were caused by UFOs. It was a kind of "Men in Blue."

Our show would be a lot more like Jonathon Creek than Men in Black. A kind of Jim Rockford's Tales of the Unexpected. I expect it to be called "I'm Loving Aliens Instead" or perhaps "Let Me Anal Probe You."

Obviously Robbie Williams would play himself as he is already at that dangerous stage when singers start to want to act. His model girlfriend could also play herself, with some lessons. So all they need is a quirky sidekick. For maximum confusion, I would recommend Robin Williams. Coming soon to HBO.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Book: Ginger Geezer: The Life of Vivian Stanshall; Biographies in general.

Life and times of Bonzo Front Man, Troubled Genius and Great British Eccentric.

Reading this reminded me of why I don’t read many biographies any more. They are always depressing. The main character always dies. And always right at the end, just when you want something happy to happen.

It's my fault for only reading biographies of people I admire. You are emotionally connected more than in a novel because this person was real and you have (usually) experienced their work or seen them. Maybe even touched them or perhaps thrown your underwear at them. (Perhaps I should only read biographies of people like Adolf Hitler, so when at the end he shoots himself, defeated in a concrete bunker, I won't feel that sad about it.)

I guess the problem could also be circumvented by only reading biographies of the living. But there’s no point in doing that. Who wants to read an unfinished book?

There is a big difference between the structure of most novels and most biographies. In a novel there is a struggle ending in triumph. Most biographies have struggle, followed by a period of success, then usually a slow fade with even more struggling then tragic death. In a novel, the text moves towards the ultimate climax. In a biography, the climax comes somewhere in the middle, and the whole story works towards the death of the subject. All very morbid.

No matter when it occurs, the death is always tragic. No artist dies without any more work left in them. So even when they die peacefully in their sleep at 104, if you like their work, it is still a tragic death before their time.

Because of this, the book I mentioned in the title has been sitting around on my shelf waiting to be read for well over a year. A book co-written by someone on whose floor I have slept, about someone I greatly admire. It had to be read sometime.

There are lots of people these days, some of them on the surface not ignorant people, who don't know who Vivian Stanshall is. It is understandable, he has been dead for ten years and in the latter part of his life did not enjoy widespread success. In fact, not since the early 70s has he been involved with anything that has reached a mass market. Back when he was singer and musician in The Bonzo Dog (Doo-Dah) Band. If that doesn't ring a bell, then your education has a very large hole in it. So, in any case, read on dot dot dot.

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One of the supposedly searching questions people ask is "what time would you go back to if you could go back to any time?" Most people seem to say thins like, "back to the time of Jesus and see what he was really like," or "back to the Tsarist times and see what Rasputin was really like," or "go back to the dawn of time and see what came first, the chicken or the egg."

For me, History is History. It doesn't matter what Jesus was like because it won't change the popular mythology of the man today and it would just be frustrating to know he really was just an earnest rabbi with gift for communicating to crowds and not a real son of a god.

I would want to go back to just beyond my lifetime. To an early Bonzo Dog Band gig and experience the sublime mayhem of them in their prime. To see the delightful silliness and awesome invention of creative people enjoying the freedoms of the age.

People say that I am odd to want to do this when I could go back to the time of Napoleon and see if he died of natural causes or wallpaper poisoning.

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The book goes into great detail in certain periods, such as the well-researched childhood years, but almost seems to skip through the art-school and early Bonzo Dog years. But then this was the late 1960s, and as they say, anyone who remembers the sixties wasn't really there. And all the Bonzos and everyone around them were really there. Big time.

What I feel I really missed was a good feeling of what it was really like to be in the studio with the Bonzos and even more of an impression of what those early gigs were like. That is not to say they are missing from the book, just not there in enough detail to satisfy my obsessive desire to relive what I can’t.

Periods later in life are better documented, although there are years and years that are practically missing. But this is what happens you drink and are addicted to tranquilisers. All famous drunks have months, weeks and years missing from their diaries. Periods where their friends have no idea what they are up to, but complete strangers have outlandish anecdotes.

Some biographies manage to pin down their subject and get you into their mind. The mind of Viv Stanshall is a vast and bewildering place and defies exploration without some sort of marvellous Heath Robinson / Rube Goldberg / Roger Ruskin Spear contraption probably shaped like a mechanical fish holding a basket of monkeys. As the great, late John Peel put it, "I fear that a single one of Viv's thoughts would blow my damn brains out." All we can really do is list what people remember and what Viv said and latch on to the infrequent insights he and others can give us. And this is where the book does very well, in its use of anecdotal and autobiographical quotations to get a glimpse into the troubled mind of a man plagued with raw genius. All the time treating the subject with respect, but not hiding the warts at all.

This is the sad story of man who spent his life fighting back the deluge of ideas in his mind sometimes drinking them away, sometimes honing them into a body of work which veers from oddness to sublime genius. It is a warm yet depressing book that I would recommend to anyone who has been delighted by The Intro and the Outro, tickled by Tent or awed by Sir Henry at Rawlinson End. Unless, of course, like me, you find biographies depressing.

Rating: Three oscillating pallindromiduses with wishtastically good rhinoledging up

Friday, August 13, 1999

Event: Eclipse - 1999's Damp Squib #2

Now this, may sound a bit harsh, because, yes, in certain places it did deliver all it was promised to be, but in London it was a damp squib. I had been told, by the media, by the half-baked scientists the media always wheels out when it doesn't understand what's going on, and by knowledgeable friends (who had read, seen and heard the media), that London was going to get a 95% eclipse. So I was expecting, near total darkness, people walking into man-holes, cars careering off the road, aeroplanes crashing into tall buildings. But it was not to be. In London, it went a tad darker for a bit - like it was late afternoon - and the sun changed shape. No calamities. No, end of the world because it's happening at 11:11 on the 11th day of the 8th month of 99th year of the second Millennium since 4 years before the boy who would put an end to Judaism's monopoly on monotheism was born. In short it was just another hugely hyped event that failed to deliver.

This follows only a few short weeks since, Nostradamus' prediction for the end of the world. Which, was quite well hyped, and again failed to deliver. There wasn't even a spate of plane crashes to mark the day. Not even an epidemic of measles. I mean, just an outbreak of sporadic falling over would have made the hype seem a little bit warranted. But, no. Nostradamus failed to deliver, as in London, the Eclipse failed in its attempt to be a fantastic, once-in-a-lifetime, visual extravaganza. Quite frankly, it was the Phantom Menace of Solar Phenomenon.

What next? Well, we all know that damp squibs come in threes. And the next big, over-hyped event is going to be the changing over from the second to the third Millennium since 4 years before the boy who would put an end to Judaism's monopoly on monotheism was born. Now this is the biggy. This isn't just some French twat's cryptic suggestion that the world will be destroyed. This isn't some old chunk of Earth floating in front of our sun. This is an undisputed calendarial event. Many people believe the world will end. Many other people believe the boy who put an end to Judaism's monopoly on monotheism will return to finish the job he started. Many, many fear that much of the technology will rely upon will fail us, leaving us at the very least unable to record January 1st's edition of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" and at worst with global nuclear destruction. Lots and lots of people, many of whom are included in the above, believe that whatever will happen, this is still the best excuse to party for 1000 years. Night-clubs, domes and fields are preparing themselves for huge organised parties.

And yet, what is going to happen? Very few people I have spoken to are venturing out that evening. It's a night, for celebrating with family or friends, not at some organised thing. It's a night for staying within easy reach of candles and solid tables under which to hide from nuclear fall-out. It's a night for staying in with the TV because it could well be the last chance for some time. It's a night for being somewhere where the playing of 1999 by Prince and Millennium by Robbie Williams are not compulsory.

Only time will tell if it is a damp squib or not. Or whether the 2nd Millennium ends with a bang of one sort or another.

But is it all bad? There was one good thing about the Eclipse, and that was watching London's rooftops and bridges fill with its people. it was kind of like the Dunkirk spirit, when hundreds of ordinary British folk sailed over to France to see the eclipse of our expeditionary force. And people in Devon and Cornwall did seem very enthralled that it went dark during the day. And in time we will remember this as the last eclipse ever seen from Earth thanks to an event mentioned later.

And Nostradamus' damp end of the world squib, did put the final nail in the coffin of the old French fraud.

So it is possible that on and after the 31st December 1999, the failure of the Earth to explode, the ability of electronic equipment to still function, the lack of arrival of divisive saviours, the fact we stayed in to party and not go to the Hippodrome... all of these could not be bad things at all.



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Actually there is one event scheduled this year that will absolutely, without fail occur. This is the blowing away of the Moon from the Earth on September 9th 1999. This event will occur, because it has not been predicted by French nutters or religions groups. Because it has not been mercilessly hyped during its build-up. And because it has been foretold by someone of great supernatural (and indeed supermarionational) power. Jerry Anderson. As Prince once prophetically put it, "Tonight, I'm gonna party like it's Space 1999." And party I will.

At home, under the table, with a good supply of candles.



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Eclipse Quote of the Year. (Supplied by Mr Norm McBride)

Two students in a University library: "Are you coming to see the eclipse?" "Where is it?"



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(c) August (Space) 1999 (Party Like It's) Peter More.